this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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