so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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