Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
