Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
