Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
