people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
