Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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