Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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