His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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