Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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