Already got asked if we're dating
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
