I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
