Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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