I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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