Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
