Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
