i permit you to call me
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I'm passing your future prison.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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