I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
