i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
