As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
