I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I need a burrito and a hug.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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