Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
bring money and cleavage
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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