no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
