I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
