you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
