I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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