the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
