I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
