You made me cry and you don't even care
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
