She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
