yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
