I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
