i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
