Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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