I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
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