I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
