You work out of a Hotel?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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