So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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