Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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