Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
