Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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