i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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