i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm just crazy horny about you
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
