next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
