I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
