WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
