I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
His nipple licking is glorious
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