her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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