: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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