Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
