My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
