From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Alive.
So much puke
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
