I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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