aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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