So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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