Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
