Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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