i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
