just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
My life is pants optional.
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