he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
