she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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