His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
