Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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