I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
