You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Randomize
