Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
