We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
