Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
