and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
