and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
