i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
