If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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