found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
i believe in u and ur pee
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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