"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
