i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
