I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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