sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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