I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
