Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
