It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
