I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
