my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize