After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
