Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
it glows. i had to have it.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
