I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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