ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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