I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
