You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize