yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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