My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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