So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
