Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
