the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
