At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
