i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
