This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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