my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
