You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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