Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
