Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Randomize
