I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize